Mindful Self Compassion 8 week course

 Remember that if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. 

~ Jack Kornfield 

Are you kinder and more caring to others than you are to yourself? 

How would it be to learn to treat yourself as you would a good friend? 

Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) is an empirically-supported, internationally recognized, structured well-being program that is based on the ground-breaking research of psychologist Kristin Neff and the clinical expertise of psychologist Christopher Germer.

Research shows that MSC

• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Enhances emotional well-being 
• Promotes resilience 
• Helps people clarify core values & develop resources to live in tune with them 
• Fosters healthy, positive relationships 

MSC builds resilience and emotional well- being and reduces anxiety, depression and stress.

An 8- week MSC course plus half day retreat is a comprehensive program that consists of up to 40 practices and key exercises, group discussion and reflection. It explores mindfulness and self-compassion via self-reflective exercises, small and large group discussions, and activities in a safe and supportive environment. No meditation experience is required. 

Courses being offered in person in Port Elliot and online using zoom. Both starting in April 2021.

Have a look at Dr. Chris Germer being interviewed about Mindful Self Compassion

Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we give to others. 

~ Christopher Germer, Ph.D. 

Relationship counselling

“The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.”

– Henry Cloud

Relationships are not easy 

We all want to feel happy and feel loved. However, we know from science that opposites attract, so often couples can have quite different ways of thinking and behaving. Each can have different background experiences that influence their way of thinking and acting, and then there is just the flow of life, with the good and not so good times that test out relationships.

Often couples come to counselling as a last resort wondering if their marriage can be saved. There’s often a lot of tension, anger and frustration expressed as each feels not heard or understood.

Some counsellors  are hesitant to work with couples. I find the combination of using expressive arts, mindfulness and self compassion as well as some psychotherapy to explore early childhood experiences and intergenerational patterns to be an effective approach to help with relationship issues. I usually see each of the couple individually first to get their story and then see both together and following that some individual and joint sessions as needed.

A picture says a 1000 words 

When there is anger and frustration it can difficult to just use words to explain what is happening. 

In joint counselling sessions I've found that having each person create a visual picture using symbols/ miniatures that each chooses to represent different times and aspects of their relationship can bring about common understanding as to what the other person is thinking and wanting in a way that words alone could not do.

“What we resist persists”

Mindfulness and self- compassion also help to transform many of our personal relationships for the better.  But it does require allowing the inevitable pain in the relationship to be felt and known. 

The instinct to push away pain is hardwired. We don’t like pain and discomfort so we try to get rid of it using different means- ignoring it, fighting it, numbing it out. However, fighting what we are uneasy about only makes things worse.  The more we accept anxiety, physical discomfort, and the pain of disconnection, the better off we will be. It’s said “When you resist something it goes to the basement and lifts weights!” The more we can try to remain open to emotional pain and breath kindness and gentleness into it the more we can discover the transformative power of self- compassion.

When we are in conflict with another we can become absorbed in the struggle to be seen by the other and seek validation for the pain the other has caused. If we can redirect our attention and compassionately respond to our own suffering first  and then listen to our partner's suffering this is a better way forward.

Intergenerational patterns - "happy genes" account for half our happiness, circumstances - 10%  and 40% is based on intentional activity.

How we treat ourselves depends in part of how we were treated as children. Being aware of how our past experiences have shaped us, helps to get in contact with the deeper meaning of our present day experience.  Knowing the details of our lives can help us come to know and accept our core emotional habits and how they’ve played out in our lives. 

The influence of both genetics and a difficult childhood can be softened if we relate to moment to moment experience with more mindfulness and greater compassion.

To be happy in a relationship the pain buried in our heart, mind and body needs to seen, heard and understood not only by another but by ourselves. This means that occasionally we many need to put aside our own needs and validate the experience of the other. Self compassion for yourselves and others is a vital ingredient in maintaining a healthy relationship.

The self- compassion break is a short meditation that you might like to try.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”– Carl Jung

Testimonials

Bronwyn has been a great deal of help to me over the past few months. With her counsel I was able to work through and understand a difficult situation that has troubled me for years.  Her methods, compassion, listening skills, and empathy are a huge resource and benefit.  Using qigong, mindfulness and meditation was the perfect way to end a consultation leaving me in a calm and peaceful state.  I was very grateful to Bronwyn that she was able to travel to me, as I am unable to drive.  I can and do highly recommend Bronwyn as a counsellor and am very thankful for all that she has done for me.

Middle aged female client – June 2018

Bronwyn's counselling has a gentle approach but with a strong applicable outcome.

The method used can appear to be 'playful', nevertheless inwardly it has a serious point. Together this leads to a non-judgemental understanding and the healing sets in. There is nothing to worry or to be concerned about. Such a natural stress relief and letting go of distorted past memories has empowered me to move on with my life. And doing only the sessions that are needed, are a bonus as well.

Middle aged male client – December 2017

After attending only 5 Counselling sessions with Bronwyn in 2017 my mental health had improved. I credit this to her unique approach of combining art therapies with the more traditional talking therapy. Stimulating both the intuitive and rational sides of my brain. Her insightful questions and eco-mapping of my family history also helped me to understand myself better. I would recommend this to anyone, as no artistic skill is necessary, and her approach is considerate and flexible.

Middle aged male client – September 2017

At my first meeting with Bronwyn in March she quickly identified the potential reason for my acute onset of anxiety.

She knew nothing about me however could see the distress I was in and offered to support and guide me through my distress.

I immediately felt comfortable, safe and secure with Bronwyn and started my sessions 2 days later. After 3 sessions with Bronwyn she helped me overcome and rid myself of the anxiety using mindfulness, meditation, homework sessions and more importantly creating a family tree. The family tree helped me to understand why my anxiety had suddenly presented itself without warning.Bronwyn has been very supportive and is a compassionate, caring, empathetic and understanding lady.

Thank you Bronwyn, so very much appreciated.

Middle aged female client – June 2017

I met Bronwyn when I was at a very low ebb. I had just lost my husband…, my best friend too,  after nearly 50 years of marriage and felt so alone. As my grief counsellor she visited me weekly for ten weeks and it was a big help. I also kept a diary which also helped me. Thank you. 

Elderly female client  April 2016

Counselling took away a lot of stress, depression, anxiety and I became more observant and happier. Counselling helped me find out how I should handle things and it was good to talk about how I feel. 

Teenage female- November 2016

Counselling helped me realise what I was thinking.

Teenager male – November 2016

Insomnia

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book” 

Irish Proverb

Getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, some form of exercise make up some of the ingredients for a healthy, happy you! Sleep is an essential building block for our physical and mental well being. But what about when you don’t sleep well which most of us at some point in our lives has experienced! 

You toss and turn, thoughts go round and round in your head and the more you try to fall asleep the worse it seems to get! Nothing seems to help and you get more annoyed at yourself for not falling asleep thinking about how every hour of wakefulness will mean a more sluggish, listless you. When you should be waking to new day feeling refreshed, renewed and ready to take on what the day instead you feel tired, irritable, and fuzzy headed.  

Most of us have experienced times of sleeplessness and find it to be intensely frustrating, debilitating and exhausting! No wonder insomnia is said to be one of the most common health complaints.

Counting sheep 🐑🐑🐑………zzzzzzz

Counting sheep, counting backwards from 100, establishing a bedtime ritual, having a hot bath, keeping IT devices out of the bedroom, relaxation techniques such as controlled deep breathing, visualisation are all ways to support better sleep, helping the mind to unwind and to program the unconscious mind towards sleep. 

But as you may know from experience these strategies don’t always work. Why? Because often you’re focusing on trying to fall asleep and when you can’t control what’s gaping on you feel more desperate, confused and hopeless even beginning to think there is something wrong with you and that you’re not good enough.There may well be some physical or environmental causes such as the barking dog next door, or too much coffee late at night.

What to do? 

I often suggest to clients to try a three step process which is based on mindful self compassion. 

Step 1: When our minds are constantly busy with thoughts we start to feel anxious either about not being able to go to sleep and the consequences of how we are inadequate and our  nervous system goes on high alert. Firstly we need to recognise how much emotional distress we are feeling at that moment.

Step 2 : To accept that your sleepless is not a fight and that you can’t win! Getting up to read a bit or get a drink

Step 3: To accept this with kindness and compassion for yourself in this situation and let go of the resentment and frustration. Can you direct thoughts of loving kindness to yourself?

Still not working?

There may be times when the mind is troubled with overstimulating thoughts and then you could try genty steering your mind to less energising topics. 

One exercise that I recommend is simply to feel the sensation of each out breath- mindfulness of breathing- and to recite a loving kindness phrase with each out breath. Loving kindness phrases such as “ May I be happy” ‘May I be healthy” “May I live my life with joy and ease” etc will take the edge off your struggle, and the boredom or repeating a phrase over and over will help you drift off into sleep. Word of warning ! This works only if you do the exercise for its own sake and not keeping yourself on edge by doing it to fall asleep.

You might like to listen to this guided mindful self compassion meditation from LiberationInMind.com 

Trauma

“Trauma is the most avoided, ignored, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering” Peter Levine in Healing Trauma

What is trauma ?

We often think of trauma as being something associated with experiencing a major catastrophe. However, it can also come from a series of less dramatic events experienced over time which can seem to be just ordinary everyday events . Unfortunately because our response to these ordinary events is less obvious we may not recognise it as being trauma. Nevertheless our nervous system is overwhelmed, our coping strategies don’t work and we’ve lost capacity to deal with things that we perceive to be life - threatening, and we are in fact traumatised. There may be just a subtle awareness of not feeling quite right, without realising that there’s been a gradual undermining of our self- esteem, our self confidence, feelings of well being and connection to life. Connection to ourselves, to our bodies, to our families, to others and the world around us is lost. Our choices are limited, we avoid certain feelings, people, places and situations. Our freedom is constricted and we lose vitality and potential for fulfilling future aspirations. 

Flipping the lid

Dr. Dan Siegel uses the hand as a model of the brain to help explain what is happening when we get traumatised. The arm is the spinal column, the wrist going up to the heel of the palm is the brain stem, the thumb is the limbic system and the four fingers bending to come over the thumb is the frontal cortex. The frontal cortex is the thinking and reasoning part of the brain and the brain stem and the limbic system work together to regulate arousal- fight, flight, freeze and emotions. In an integrated brain we are coping with the stresses that come along with the frontal cortex down regulating any messages about potential danger coming up from the limbic system, calming down the limbic system. However when we get traumatised there is a breakdown in communication between the limbic system and frontal cortex. When fear messages of danger come up from the limbic system and there isn’t a connection to the frontal cortex, we don’t calm down but instead flip our lid ! 

This happens more easily when we’ve been traumatised because our brain has become over activated to monitor for danger and is picking up on all sorts of triggers that could be interpreted as trouble when it’s not really so. The body is in a constant state of stress and reactivity. To make things worse, the stress chemical cortisol can destroy neurons when we are really frightened, particularly those effecting the more far reaching parts of the brain, so we lose contact more quickly and feel we are in living in that place of danger without a good way of dealing with it. We are at the mercy of a negativity bias that perceives threat, feels unsafe and doesn’t allow trust. We blame ourselves for not communicating well, for not being able to cope which cab result in addictive behaviour, avoidant ways as we try to self- sooth our troubled feelings of shame. Our suffering is intense.

Reconnecting

But it’s not our fault! It’s the way the nervous system responds to trauma. When we are in a constant state of arousal - the fight or flight response from our everyday stresses the sympathetic nervous system dominates over the parasympathetic system, the chi or energy in the body is blocked, it isn’t flowing to rest, restore and heal and we feel overwhelmed and exhausted. 

Mindfulness can help!

The frontal cortex is actually the site of mindfulness, of the whole compassion network, or morality and perspective.A loving kindness and compassion mindfulness meditation practice  can create a biochemical shift, reducing the sympathetic nervous system and allowing the parasympathetic system to restore clam to the body and mind. You can feel safe, happy at peace.

Grounding helps too!

Trauma disconnects us from our bodies . Grounding and centering reconnects you with resources available to you in your body.

Simply feeling the feet on the floor, becoming visually aware of what you can hear, see, smell, right at the moment- being present all helps. The breath also can be used to quiet and calm down the nervous system by taking a long deep breath in and a slow long exhale.

“The RAIN of self- compassion”

Recognize what is going on;

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;

Investigate with interest and care;

Nourish with self-compassion.

Tara Brach

In this just over 2 minute video clip Dr. Dan Siegel demonstrates the concept of flipping your lid

Further information on healing trauma 

https://www.tarabrach.com/healing-trauma/

Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity- Monumental implications

I’ve been reading Norman Doidge’s book “The brain that changes itself” and have to agree with a reviewer from The Times who commented ‘Doidge has identified a tidal shift in basic science and a potential one in medicine. The implications are monumental’.

So what is it all about? What does it mean for us?

For years scientists have viewed the brain as being like machine with localised parts performing specific tasks and if one part was damaged then that function/task was no longer able to be carried out by the body. For example , if you had a stroke that lead to you having difficulty using your left arm then the part of the brain that controlled that movement was “ broken” and could no longer be used.

But now neuroplasticity has been discovered. Neuro is for neuron, the nerve cells in our brain and body and plasticity is  for changeable, malleable or modifiable. The term neuroplasticity refers to the brain being able to change its own structure and function through THOUGHT and ACTIVITY- revolutionising ways of treatment! So when one part of a brain becomes damaged it can reorganise itself so another part can take over, brain cells that have died can be replaced and new brain circuits or new neural pathways can be built and created that can change the way we respond to things.

Shift a boulder with a toothpick?

No doubt there’s been times when you’ve held onto a belief or thought that troubles you and even though you’ve ‘known ‘ or had an ‘awareness’ that the thought was irrational it still sticks. It can seem like there are two parts to your mind, one that says ‘ no’ and the other that says ‘yes’ that belief is true!  You might worry that you won’t be able to … pass the exam/ give a public talk/ learn a new dance…. even though logically you’ve done all these things before so why should it be any different this time ?!  And if anyone does try to convince you of thinking otherwise by appealing to logical reasoning that still  doesn’t help, in fact it’s said to be like ‘ trying to shift a boulder with a toothpick’!  It can actually work in the opposite way, making you want to hold on to the belief even more tightly,  fearing that something that you own is under threat and at risk of being taken away. Brain scans actually show that when a person hears information that disproves a belief of theirs, instead of their brain's cognitive centres lighting up (like you might expect), the emotional centres become active instead. So, our first instinct on hearing information that disproves our own beliefs is to rally our defences against that new information.

Struggling in Quicksand?

We can try very hard to get rid of these thoughts and feelings. A part of us is saying they are irrational and I’ll just try to logic them away. But trying to control these strong beliefs and thoughts is like being stuck in quicksand, where the immediate impulse is to struggle and fight to get out.  But that’s exactly what you mustn’t do in quicksand – because the more you struggle, the deeper you sink – and the more you struggle.  Very much a no-win situation.  Our thoughts and feelings can dominate our lives.

Mindfulness skills

By noticing thoughts rather than being caught up in them, letting our thoughts come and go and seeing if we can create some distance or separation from them is a mindfulness approach - a skill to learn to use.

Firstly we can put the thought into a short sentence … “ I’m no good at..” and then for 10 or so seconds believe it as much as we can. Next we can add  a few extra words “ I’m having the thought that I’m no good at…..”  Lastly, we add a bit more “I notice that I’m having the thought that I’m no good at….”

In mindfulness meditation and mindfulness activities we don’t try to make the thought or belief go away. The focus is on noticing when the mind wanders, to the thoughts,  which it will naturally do. We don’t let it play the same story over and over again but we continue, every time we notice it has wandered, to bring our attention back to the present moment, being aware without judgement of our breath, our surroundings, any sensations we can feel, hear, touch…

Neuroplasticity

Because of the brain’s plasticity we can ‘ grow’ new brain circuits, new neural pathways but it requires effort. Not the effort of the struggle to control and make feelings and thoughts go away but the effort of not giving into the feelings and thoughts. A neuroplasticity approach is when a feeling or thought you don’t want  to be stuck in comes along then you are DO something that is pleasurable for you- whatever that it is. When we do something we enjoy dopamine is released in the body, we feel good and it acts like a reward, it also consolidates and helps connect new neural pathways. As we continue to act in this way this new pathway becomes stronger, and competes with the previous way of responding and eventually wins out as the other weakens because it’s not being used. The  saying ‘use or lose it’ applies and in this case we lose a habit and a neural pathway that is no-longer wanted.

 You might like to have a look at the video “Passengers on a Bus”, a metaphor used to show how to effectively deal with difficult thoughts and feelings. 

"We don't so much break bad habits as replace bad behaviours with better ones" Norman Doidge

The pain of losing a loved one.

“Major losses are the most personal and emotional happenings that we can experience.” (Harvey)

Losing a loved one through death, divorce, or separation; losing our health or mobility through illness or accident;  or losing our job are on some way similar to losing part of ourselves: the self we were before the loss- we feel the pain of the losing something that was intimately connected to our lives, whether it was good or bad. We  wonder why? why me? why them? We think ‘its not fair’, ‘What did I/ they do wrong?’ 

Out of balance 

Recently I attended a funeral. The news of the death of friend’s husband came as a shock, it was unexpected, it brought disbelief and great sadness. He was not that old. It made me think of my own mortality and meaning of life. For some attending the funeral it was even more difficult bringing back memories and feelings of the loss of their own loved one. Some can find they are not yet ready to revisit - it’s just too painful, the wounds of grief are not healed enough, not yet. Grief is a normal response to loss but it affects our whole being- our feelings, thoughts, attitudes, behaviour with others, even our health and bodily symptoms are affected, every aspect of our life is thrown out of balance. We ask ourselves, “Are these feelings and emotions normal?" "Am i going crazy?”

Fish in the sea

Life is not going to be same again. We feel pain, hurt, loss. There’s a sense of aloneness and abandonment.

We find things to distract us, we can travel, drink alcohol excessively, use drugs, and make sure we are busy- anything to block and avoid the pain we feel. We wonder how we will cope and what to do. Well- meaning  friends tell us,  “You’ll get over it”, “ You need to move on”, “There’s more fish in the sea”,  “Time heals all’, ‘You’ll be ok”, “Be strong”. 

And what if we don’t openly expressing our grief then others say, “Are they alright?”

Does it end?

The healing process can’t be hurried, there is no simple formula, no escape, it’s a personal journey that takes time and patience, toward learning to accept and live with the loss, even make meaning of it, not for closure but to be able to assimilate and accomodate to the loss. Grief will always be present but as the pain lessens the waves of grief will come less often and will be less powerful.

"The pain returns, but I can remember the in- between times better". (adult widow)

Some counselling techniques I've used to assist the healing process.

Secrets of the Heart

This exercise was used as a way to continue to feel a connection to our loved one through writing a short note to our loved one about our thoughts or feelings of love, speaking from our heart. An origami heart was made and the note placed inside. The heart can be carried with us in our wallet or kept somewhere special.

Mindfulness

Learning to practice the skill of mindfulness can allow grief to be experienced with less struggle and attempts at escape. Your attention can be brought to focus on bodily sensations, such as the experience of sitting, parts of the body supported by the chair, the floor, your breath.  Attention can also be taken outward to notice the taste of your food, the sound of a bird, the colour of the sky, a breeze or sensations in your feet as you walk. Paying attention to pleasant and unpleasant experiences can be grounding, give you a moment, however momentary, to directly experience being alive, in a relationship with the surrounding environment, to unwind and be open to a new way of being with yourself and others.

Letter Writing

Some clients, as a homework exercise, have been encouraged to write a letter to their loved one, telling them how they felt about losing them and how they are going now  In the following session the client has read out part of the letter or just talked about how it was to write the letter and if there were any insights they wanted to share. The client is then asked to write a letter from the loved one in response to the initial letter. This way feeling are expressed and become more integrated. 

“ Grief is the price we pay for being able to love the way we do” 

What is Qigong?

What is Qigong? How do you pronounce it? Is it one word or two?

These are some of the questions I’m getting asked when I let people know about the Qigong and Mindfulness meditation classes I’ve begun holding in Port Elliot.

Qigong pronounced as “ chee gong” can be written as chi kung, chi gong or chi kung and is spelt as one word which is made up of two words. The first word Qi is the Chinese word for “life energy” and the second word ‘gong’ means “work” or “ benefits acquired through perseverance and practice” so qigong is  “internal energy work”. It is said to be a type of 'moving mindfulness', a Chinese form of yoga as well as acupuncture without needles.

Why do Qigong?

Qi travels through our body through energy vessels known as meridians which are related to various organs of our body. Tension can be held in various parts of our body creating blockages and restricting energy flow so energy doesn’t flow to where it needs to. The practice of qigong clears blockages and relieves tension. The flow of energy is heightened, and the nervous system is strengthened and calmed. At the same time our alertness is heightened, powers of concentration, coordination and inner balance are improved.

Types of Qigong

The forms of qigong that are practised in my classes are: Ba Duan Jin (8 pieces of brocade), Shibashi 1,2,3.

Ba Duan Jin

This is based on Traditional Chinese Medicine Theory. There are eight movements which were created to focus on strengthening the bones and muscles, regulating respiration and Qi circulation while utilising Qigong control of the mind. Each of the 8 movements is related to different internal organs such as the liver, stomach, spleen and heart. The Eight  Brocades or Ba Duan Jin is simple and easy to learn and is best practiced in the morning or evening in fresh air, for 15-30 minutes each time.

Shibashi 1,2,3 

Shibashi (meaning 18 in Mandarin) is a series of 18 energy-enhancing exercises that co-ordinate movement with breathing and concentration. It is a gentle, beautiful and flowing Tai Chi Qigong exercise routine that is is designed to improve your general health and wellbeing. The gentle rocking motions and stretching movements improve circulation and digestion. The chest exercises and controlled breathing are good for lung conditions and asthma. The overall effect of the exercise is to reduce mental stress and physical tension carried in the muscles of the body. Each of the forms has a poetic name, such as ‘dancing with rainbows’, ‘ flying dove’, ‘cloud hands’ and movement is always coordinated with the breath, in fact form follows breath.

Why not try joining a qigong class? 

Though the movements may seem gentle and slow they work the entire body - from the bones to the lymph to the digestive and circulatory systems and more...

I hold Qigong and Mindfulness Meditation classes on
Mondays ( daylight saving dates) 530- 630 pm
Wednesdays 930- 1030 am
Saturdays 9- 10 am

Cost is $10 per session. Held at 50 Waterport Road, Port Elliot.

The video is of my qigong teacher doing Shibashi set 1

Mindfulness: Awareness of Thought

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences.”  Eckhart Tolle

Am I who I think I am? 

There are so many thoughts going on in our mind all the time. We live in a constant stream of automatic, associative thoughts just like fish in living in water. Sometimes we find ourselves caught up in thinking about the past, fearing the future, comparing ourselves to others and being critical of others and ourselves. In fact, 47% of our waking life is spent thinking about what is not actually happening at the present moment. 

Our thoughts as seen to be ‘truths’ as to who we are and what will/ did happen. Thoughts can overwhelm us, confuse, frustrate and sadden us. We might wish there was a switch to turn “the noise machine in the head” OFF so to have some peace!

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”  Eckhart Tolle

What to do with our thoughts?

 Our thoughts are just thoughts but they can feel very real. When we focus our attention on them we start to see then as if they are something solid, as factual.

Through the practice of mindfulness meditation, we can learn to recognise our thoughts without becoming lost in their content. This gives us the capacity to later choose what thoughts to engage with, and to have increasing access to present moment experience. Having an ability to choose is precious. Some thoughts are useful but many are repetitive and can stir up fear. When our thoughts are compelling, we can go into a trance and forget they are just thoughts and we start to take them as being reality. 

In mindfulness practice we learn to simply recognise that thinking is going on and then we relax, open, reconnect with our senses—relaxing back into awareness of our body, of our breath or chosen anchor. With practice over time, our lives become guided by the wisdom that “I am not my thoughts; I don’t have to believe my thoughts.”

Use of lovingkindness and forgiveness mindfulness practices

 Each time you are willing to slow down and recognise, oh, this is the trance of unworthiness… this is fear… this is hurt…this is judgment…, you are poised to de-condition the old habits and limiting self-beliefs that imprison your heart. Gradually, you’ll experience natural loving awareness as the truth of who you are, more than any story you ever told yourself about being “not good enough” or “basically flawed”.

By bringing a gentle allowing attention to the present moment, we are cultivating the respect and appreciation of lovingkindness. When we bring mindful presence to physical or emotional difficulty, our heart opens in compassion. Taking some time to practice the lovingkindness, forgiveness, and compassion meditations can be very helpful.

“ How you respond to the issue is the issue.”  Frankie Perez

I invite you to give yourself the gift of listening to this guided lovingkindness meditation lead by Tara Brach.

Mindfulness

"Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment and non- judgementally." 
Jon Kabat- Zinn

Our mind experiences a continual barrage of thoughts and feelings, our reactions happen automatically- whether it’s what we want or not, and the pattern of the way we do things becomes habit. Can we take more control?

We have about 50-70,000 thoughts a day- there's a constant stream of thoughts that move through our minds and a lot of the time our mind is not actually focused on what we're doing.

Maybe you can relate to sitting down to work, and catching yourself jumping between tasks and feeling like you’re not really doing anything properly? Or you find yourself worrying about the future or dwelling on painful memories… why did I say that? why didn’t I do …. We do a lot of thinking! Is it always helpful even necessary?

Often it can be difficult to switch off at night and go to sleep, our minds are busy going through all the things we have to do and haven’t done…

It can seem like our mind has a mind of its own. Sometimes the mind is referred to as a “monkey mind” because just like a monkey jumps from branch to branch the untrained mind jumps from thought to thought, very rarely able to stay in one place. 

Teach a dog new tricks?  

There's a saying 'you can't teach a dog new tricks' but can our brain learn new ways of responding and reacting ? 

Scientific studies have now identified something called 'neuroplasticity'- a buzz word that refers to the ability of the brain to reorganise itself, both physically and functionally. This means that those automatic thoughts, feelings and reactions can be changed- we’re not trapped, or locked into old ways and patterns of thinking and responding. The good news is that our brain can be rewired! I sometimes think that practising mindfulness, 'defrags' my brain like you 'defrag' your computer to get it to run more effectively.

Mindfulness 

Mindfulness is a way of training our minds so that we can choose where we want to focus our attention and keep it there.

It can seem as brain hygiene or brain fitness training. So, just like you brush your teeth everyday, you brush your brain every day with mindfulness. By exercising the attention "muscle" of the mind you strengthen the mind to be more focussed, and calm and you become mentally fitter. By taking more control over our focus of attention and making choices as to what we want to focus on we start to train and control our mind.
The power is with us- we can rewire our brain!

Practicing mindfulness

There’s a wide variety of ways to practice mindfulness- meditation, breathing, walking, doing the dishes, eating…

Mindfulness of the breath can be a good way to start. It's where you focus on your breath and when you find that your attention has wandered, you lovingly return your attention back to the breath. You continue to just sense the in breath and the out breath. It's like you're riding the wave of your breath. Again and again you return your attention back to the breath- whenever you notice that your focus has strayed from the breath.

"You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat- Zinn

I invite you to allow yourself  3 minutes to follow this mindfulness exercise lead by Jon Kabat- Zinn