Remember that if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
~ Jack Kornfield
Are you kinder and more caring to others than you are to yourself?
How would it be to learn to treat yourself as you would a good friend?
Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) is an empirically-supported, internationally recognized, structured well-being program that is based on the ground-breaking research of psychologist Kristin Neff and the clinical expertise of psychologist Christopher Germer.
Research shows that MSC
Reduces stress and anxiety
Enhances emotional well-being
Promotes resilience
Helps people clarify core values & develop resources to live in tune with them
Fosters healthy, positive relationships
MSC builds resilience and emotional well- being and reduces anxiety, depression and stress.
An 8- week MSC course plus half day retreat is a comprehensive program that consists of up to 40 practices and key exercises, group discussion and reflection. It explores mindfulness and self-compassion via self-reflective exercises, small and large group discussions, and activities in a safe and supportive environment. No meditation experience is required.
Courses being offered in person in Port Elliot and online using zoom. Both starting in April 2021.
Have a look at Dr. Chris Germer being interviewed about Mindful Self Compassion
Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we give to others.
"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment."Robert Benchley
Putting off doing things, even really important tasks that need to be done, is something we all do. Even when writing this blog there seemed to be a continuing list of other things that needed to be done first.
So why do we procrastinate?
There are different reasons we putting off doing things, sometimes it’s that we don’t want to do ‘unpleasant’ tasks and sometimes it can because there’s a fear of failure so if i don’t attempt it then there is no failure or criticism (often self- based).
Unpleasantness
Some tasks are just repetitive and boring for example doing the housework, doing paperwork, Anything that you find you have just have to keep doing and it seems endless.
And sometimes it can be that you just don’l like working and you’re generally unmotivated. Social media can be a great distraction and it doesn’t require you to expend much energy.
Its natural to want to relax and avoid unpleasantness. Putting off some tasks is not necessarily a problem unless it ends up causing more stress in your life because some things that need to be done aren’t being done. Anyone who has studied and realised the due date for the assignment youhave yet to start is the following day will know the stress this causes.
Fear of Failure
Sometimes it’s just that the task you find the task boring- maybe your are not interested in the topic your assignment is about but sometimes it could be there are underlying feelings if fear that come up when thinking about taking on something new. We can be daunted by the possibility of failure, self- criticism and feelings of unworthiness.Because we often try to avoid unpleasant emotions then procrastinating is a way we can tune out.
However, sometimes unconsciously we sabotage ourselves so that by not giving ourselves enough time to get the assignment in but the due date, we blame our failure on having had enough time to do to well and so we avoid feeling unworthy or not good enough.
If we do this all the time with new tasks or projects then we really limit the extent to which we can reach our full potential.
What can help?
If you find that you habitually procrastinate when faced with doing things you don’t want to do, it can help to go the emotion underlying your resistance. We often avoid thinking about unwanted tasks because it makes us feel uncomfortable.
Learning the skill of having self- compassion for yourself - to be kind, gentle and understanding to yourself insteadof being self- critical in times of stress can help.
In the words of Kristin Neff an author of many books on self- compassion “comfort the scared little child inside of you who doesn’t want to venture into the dark unknown, assuring him or her that you’ll be there to provide support along the way. And then see if you can take the plunge. As we all know from experience, the worst part of dealing with a difficult task is often drawing up the courage to start”.
Have a look at this short talk given by Kristen Neff on self-compassion. It’s only 6 minutes.
"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book”
Irish Proverb
Getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, some form of exercise make up some of the ingredients for a healthy, happy you! Sleep is an essential building block for our physical and mental well being. But what about when you don’t sleep well which most of us at some point in our lives has experienced!
You toss and turn, thoughts go round and round in your head and the more you try to fall asleep the worse it seems to get! Nothing seems to help and you get more annoyed at yourself for not falling asleep thinking about how every hour of wakefulness will mean a more sluggish, listless you. When you should be waking to new day feeling refreshed, renewed and ready to take on what the day instead you feel tired, irritable, and fuzzy headed.
Most of us have experienced times of sleeplessness and find it to be intensely frustrating, debilitating and exhausting! No wonder insomnia is said to be one of the most common health complaints.
Counting sheep 🐑🐑🐑………zzzzzzz
Counting sheep, counting backwards from 100, establishing a bedtime ritual, having a hot bath, keeping IT devices out of the bedroom, relaxation techniques such as controlled deep breathing, visualisation are all ways to support better sleep, helping the mind to unwind and to program the unconscious mind towards sleep.
But as you may know from experience these strategies don’t always work. Why? Because often you’re focusing on trying to fall asleep and when you can’t control what’s gaping on you feel more desperate, confused and hopeless even beginning to think there is something wrong with you and that you’re not good enough.There may well be some physical or environmental causes such as the barking dog next door, or too much coffee late at night.
What to do?
I often suggest to clients to try a three step process which is based on mindful self compassion.
Step 1: When our minds are constantly busy with thoughts we start to feel anxious either about not being able to go to sleep and the consequences of how we are inadequate and ournervous system goes on high alert. Firstly we need to recognise how much emotional distress we are feeling at that moment.
Step 2 : To accept that your sleepless is not a fight and that you can’t win! Getting up to read a bit or get a drink
Step 3: To accept this with kindness and compassion for yourself in this situation and let go of the resentment and frustration. Can you direct thoughts of loving kindness to yourself?
Still not working?
There may be times when the mind is troubled with overstimulating thoughts and then you could try genty steering your mind to less energising topics.
One exercise that I recommend is simply to feel the sensation of each out breath- mindfulness of breathing- and to recite a loving kindness phrase with each out breath. Loving kindness phrases such as “ May I be happy” ‘May I be healthy” “May I live my life with joy and ease” etc will take the edge off your struggle, and the boredom or repeating a phrase over and over will help you drift off into sleep. Word of warning ! This works only if you do the exercise for its own sake and not keeping yourself on edge by doing it to fall asleep.
You might like to listen to this guided mindful self compassion meditation from LiberationInMind.com
