Procrastination

"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment."       Robert Benchley

Putting off doing things, even really important tasks that need to be done, is something we all do. Even when writing this blog there seemed to be a continuing list of other things that needed to be done first. 

So why do we procrastinate? 

There are different reasons we putting off doing things, sometimes it’s that we don’t want to do ‘unpleasant’ tasks and sometimes it can because there’s a fear of failure so if i don’t attempt it then there is no failure or criticism (often self- based).

Unpleasantness

Some tasks are just repetitive and boring for example doing the housework, doing paperwork, Anything that you find you have just have to keep doing and it seems endless.

And sometimes it can be that you just don’l like working and you’re generally unmotivated. Social media can be a great distraction and it doesn’t require you to expend much energy.

Its natural to want to relax and avoid unpleasantness. Putting off some tasks is not necessarily a problem unless it ends up causing more stress in your life because some things that need to be done aren’t being done. Anyone who has studied and realised the due date for the assignment you have yet to start is the following day will know the stress this causes. 

Fear of Failure

Sometimes it’s just that the task you find the task boring- maybe your are not interested in the topic your assignment is about but sometimes it could be there are underlying feelings if fear that come up when thinking about taking on something new. We can be daunted by the possibility of failure, self- criticism and feelings of unworthiness.  Because we often try to avoid unpleasant emotions then procrastinating is a way we can tune out. 

However, sometimes unconsciously we sabotage ourselves so that by not giving ourselves enough time to get the assignment in but the due date, we blame our failure on having had enough time to do to well and so we avoid feeling unworthy or not good enough. 

If we do this all the time with new tasks or projects then we really limit the extent to which we can reach our full potential.

What can help? 

If you find that you habitually procrastinate when faced with doing things you don’t want to do, it can help to go the emotion underlying your resistance. We often avoid thinking about unwanted tasks because it makes us feel uncomfortable.

Learning the skill of having self- compassion for yourself - to be kind, gentle and understanding to yourself instead  of being self- critical in times of stress can help.

In the words of Kristin Neff an author of many books on self- compassion “comfort the scared little child inside of you who doesn’t want to venture into the dark unknown, assuring him or her that you’ll be there to provide support along the way. And then see if you can take the plunge. As we all know from experience, the worst part of dealing with a difficult task is often drawing up the courage to start”.

Have a look at this short talk given by Kristen Neff on self-compassion. It’s only 6 minutes.

Mindfulness: Awareness of Thought

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences.”  Eckhart Tolle

Am I who I think I am? 

There are so many thoughts going on in our mind all the time. We live in a constant stream of automatic, associative thoughts just like fish in living in water. Sometimes we find ourselves caught up in thinking about the past, fearing the future, comparing ourselves to others and being critical of others and ourselves. In fact, 47% of our waking life is spent thinking about what is not actually happening at the present moment. 

Our thoughts as seen to be ‘truths’ as to who we are and what will/ did happen. Thoughts can overwhelm us, confuse, frustrate and sadden us. We might wish there was a switch to turn “the noise machine in the head” OFF so to have some peace!

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”  Eckhart Tolle

What to do with our thoughts?

 Our thoughts are just thoughts but they can feel very real. When we focus our attention on them we start to see then as if they are something solid, as factual.

Through the practice of mindfulness meditation, we can learn to recognise our thoughts without becoming lost in their content. This gives us the capacity to later choose what thoughts to engage with, and to have increasing access to present moment experience. Having an ability to choose is precious. Some thoughts are useful but many are repetitive and can stir up fear. When our thoughts are compelling, we can go into a trance and forget they are just thoughts and we start to take them as being reality. 

In mindfulness practice we learn to simply recognise that thinking is going on and then we relax, open, reconnect with our senses—relaxing back into awareness of our body, of our breath or chosen anchor. With practice over time, our lives become guided by the wisdom that “I am not my thoughts; I don’t have to believe my thoughts.”

Use of lovingkindness and forgiveness mindfulness practices

 Each time you are willing to slow down and recognise, oh, this is the trance of unworthiness… this is fear… this is hurt…this is judgment…, you are poised to de-condition the old habits and limiting self-beliefs that imprison your heart. Gradually, you’ll experience natural loving awareness as the truth of who you are, more than any story you ever told yourself about being “not good enough” or “basically flawed”.

By bringing a gentle allowing attention to the present moment, we are cultivating the respect and appreciation of lovingkindness. When we bring mindful presence to physical or emotional difficulty, our heart opens in compassion. Taking some time to practice the lovingkindness, forgiveness, and compassion meditations can be very helpful.

“ How you respond to the issue is the issue.”  Frankie Perez

I invite you to give yourself the gift of listening to this guided lovingkindness meditation lead by Tara Brach.

Introduction to Expressive Arts Therapy

“We use the arts to let go, to express, and to release" - Natalie Rogers

Have you ever been told to just, stop those negative thoughts, think positively and you’ll be fine?!

By changing your mindset you can change your behaviour and vice versa. Sure that does work, for a time, go out and get some exercise, take note of all the things that you’re grateful for and you’ll feel better. But our well-being not only depends on positive thoughts and making the right behaviour choices, but it is also effective by the emotions we feel and often we are not aware of those emotions.

They can be held deep in our unconscious or even blocked as a protective mechanism. Before we can address our thoughts that are causing us distress / problems we need to get in touch with and release your emotions that have such a powerful effect on us.

By involving the body, mind and the emotions in a healing process, our intuitive and imaginative abilities can be brought forth as well as our logical, linear thought process. Emotional states are not often logical, so the use of imagery and non verbal modes can allow an alternative path to self exploration and communication.

This process is a powerful integrative force.

You may like to express yourself through writing, movement or art, some people like use imagery, choosing your own colours, medium and symbols as a language that speaks from your unconscious and which has particular meaning for you. This allows you to discover unknown aspects of your self and gain greater awareness of self knowledge. 

You discover, experience and accept unknown aspects of yourself which help you go beyond your problems to seeing yourself constructively taking action in the world.

You might start to feel stressed and your blood pressure rises when people start to talk you in a very angry tone about a situation or start to direct their anger at you. One technique that I’ve found that can help, is an activity called Finding Peace.

Activity: Finding Peace

Step 1: You create a symbolic representation on a large piece of paper of an unpleasant situation that you can’t change.  

• For example you could draw people yelling at you at work

Step 2: Then you create in another image, elements that provide some peace with the circumstance

• For example you could draw people speaking kindly to you at work

Step 3: This image can provide a sense of well-being and you can bring it to mind when you’re feeling overwhelmed or the situation is troubling you.

You might gain insight into ideas for how to approach the situation by going through this process.

Expressive Arts Therapy with Natalie Rogers