Procrastination

"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment."       Robert Benchley

Putting off doing things, even really important tasks that need to be done, is something we all do. Even when writing this blog there seemed to be a continuing list of other things that needed to be done first. 

So why do we procrastinate? 

There are different reasons we putting off doing things, sometimes it’s that we don’t want to do ‘unpleasant’ tasks and sometimes it can because there’s a fear of failure so if i don’t attempt it then there is no failure or criticism (often self- based).

Unpleasantness

Some tasks are just repetitive and boring for example doing the housework, doing paperwork, Anything that you find you have just have to keep doing and it seems endless.

And sometimes it can be that you just don’l like working and you’re generally unmotivated. Social media can be a great distraction and it doesn’t require you to expend much energy.

Its natural to want to relax and avoid unpleasantness. Putting off some tasks is not necessarily a problem unless it ends up causing more stress in your life because some things that need to be done aren’t being done. Anyone who has studied and realised the due date for the assignment you have yet to start is the following day will know the stress this causes. 

Fear of Failure

Sometimes it’s just that the task you find the task boring- maybe your are not interested in the topic your assignment is about but sometimes it could be there are underlying feelings if fear that come up when thinking about taking on something new. We can be daunted by the possibility of failure, self- criticism and feelings of unworthiness.  Because we often try to avoid unpleasant emotions then procrastinating is a way we can tune out. 

However, sometimes unconsciously we sabotage ourselves so that by not giving ourselves enough time to get the assignment in but the due date, we blame our failure on having had enough time to do to well and so we avoid feeling unworthy or not good enough. 

If we do this all the time with new tasks or projects then we really limit the extent to which we can reach our full potential.

What can help? 

If you find that you habitually procrastinate when faced with doing things you don’t want to do, it can help to go the emotion underlying your resistance. We often avoid thinking about unwanted tasks because it makes us feel uncomfortable.

Learning the skill of having self- compassion for yourself - to be kind, gentle and understanding to yourself instead  of being self- critical in times of stress can help.

In the words of Kristin Neff an author of many books on self- compassion “comfort the scared little child inside of you who doesn’t want to venture into the dark unknown, assuring him or her that you’ll be there to provide support along the way. And then see if you can take the plunge. As we all know from experience, the worst part of dealing with a difficult task is often drawing up the courage to start”.

Have a look at this short talk given by Kristen Neff on self-compassion. It’s only 6 minutes.

Testimonials

Bronwyn has been a great deal of help to me over the past few months. With her counsel I was able to work through and understand a difficult situation that has troubled me for years.  Her methods, compassion, listening skills, and empathy are a huge resource and benefit.  Using qigong, mindfulness and meditation was the perfect way to end a consultation leaving me in a calm and peaceful state.  I was very grateful to Bronwyn that she was able to travel to me, as I am unable to drive.  I can and do highly recommend Bronwyn as a counsellor and am very thankful for all that she has done for me.

Middle aged female client – June 2018

Bronwyn's counselling has a gentle approach but with a strong applicable outcome.

The method used can appear to be 'playful', nevertheless inwardly it has a serious point. Together this leads to a non-judgemental understanding and the healing sets in. There is nothing to worry or to be concerned about. Such a natural stress relief and letting go of distorted past memories has empowered me to move on with my life. And doing only the sessions that are needed, are a bonus as well.

Middle aged male client – December 2017

After attending only 5 Counselling sessions with Bronwyn in 2017 my mental health had improved. I credit this to her unique approach of combining art therapies with the more traditional talking therapy. Stimulating both the intuitive and rational sides of my brain. Her insightful questions and eco-mapping of my family history also helped me to understand myself better. I would recommend this to anyone, as no artistic skill is necessary, and her approach is considerate and flexible.

Middle aged male client – September 2017

At my first meeting with Bronwyn in March she quickly identified the potential reason for my acute onset of anxiety.

She knew nothing about me however could see the distress I was in and offered to support and guide me through my distress.

I immediately felt comfortable, safe and secure with Bronwyn and started my sessions 2 days later. After 3 sessions with Bronwyn she helped me overcome and rid myself of the anxiety using mindfulness, meditation, homework sessions and more importantly creating a family tree. The family tree helped me to understand why my anxiety had suddenly presented itself without warning.Bronwyn has been very supportive and is a compassionate, caring, empathetic and understanding lady.

Thank you Bronwyn, so very much appreciated.

Middle aged female client – June 2017

I met Bronwyn when I was at a very low ebb. I had just lost my husband…, my best friend too,  after nearly 50 years of marriage and felt so alone. As my grief counsellor she visited me weekly for ten weeks and it was a big help. I also kept a diary which also helped me. Thank you. 

Elderly female client  April 2016

Counselling took away a lot of stress, depression, anxiety and I became more observant and happier. Counselling helped me find out how I should handle things and it was good to talk about how I feel. 

Teenage female- November 2016

Counselling helped me realise what I was thinking.

Teenager male – November 2016

Insomnia

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book” 

Irish Proverb

Getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, some form of exercise make up some of the ingredients for a healthy, happy you! Sleep is an essential building block for our physical and mental well being. But what about when you don’t sleep well which most of us at some point in our lives has experienced! 

You toss and turn, thoughts go round and round in your head and the more you try to fall asleep the worse it seems to get! Nothing seems to help and you get more annoyed at yourself for not falling asleep thinking about how every hour of wakefulness will mean a more sluggish, listless you. When you should be waking to new day feeling refreshed, renewed and ready to take on what the day instead you feel tired, irritable, and fuzzy headed.  

Most of us have experienced times of sleeplessness and find it to be intensely frustrating, debilitating and exhausting! No wonder insomnia is said to be one of the most common health complaints.

Counting sheep 🐑🐑🐑………zzzzzzz

Counting sheep, counting backwards from 100, establishing a bedtime ritual, having a hot bath, keeping IT devices out of the bedroom, relaxation techniques such as controlled deep breathing, visualisation are all ways to support better sleep, helping the mind to unwind and to program the unconscious mind towards sleep. 

But as you may know from experience these strategies don’t always work. Why? Because often you’re focusing on trying to fall asleep and when you can’t control what’s gaping on you feel more desperate, confused and hopeless even beginning to think there is something wrong with you and that you’re not good enough.There may well be some physical or environmental causes such as the barking dog next door, or too much coffee late at night.

What to do? 

I often suggest to clients to try a three step process which is based on mindful self compassion. 

Step 1: When our minds are constantly busy with thoughts we start to feel anxious either about not being able to go to sleep and the consequences of how we are inadequate and our  nervous system goes on high alert. Firstly we need to recognise how much emotional distress we are feeling at that moment.

Step 2 : To accept that your sleepless is not a fight and that you can’t win! Getting up to read a bit or get a drink

Step 3: To accept this with kindness and compassion for yourself in this situation and let go of the resentment and frustration. Can you direct thoughts of loving kindness to yourself?

Still not working?

There may be times when the mind is troubled with overstimulating thoughts and then you could try genty steering your mind to less energising topics. 

One exercise that I recommend is simply to feel the sensation of each out breath- mindfulness of breathing- and to recite a loving kindness phrase with each out breath. Loving kindness phrases such as “ May I be happy” ‘May I be healthy” “May I live my life with joy and ease” etc will take the edge off your struggle, and the boredom or repeating a phrase over and over will help you drift off into sleep. Word of warning ! This works only if you do the exercise for its own sake and not keeping yourself on edge by doing it to fall asleep.

You might like to listen to this guided mindful self compassion meditation from LiberationInMind.com 

Bioenergetics

“ Bioenergetics is an adventure in self-discovery. It differs from similar explorations into the nature of the self by attempting to understand the human personality in terms of the human body. Most previous explorations focused their investigations on the mind.”                   Alexander Lowen

What is bioenergetics?

Bioenergetics is a body movement technique that on the surface seems to resemble yoga, pilates, or gym exercises but its actually quite different. Emotional energy can be held in the body creating holding patterns or ‘dead spots’ where the natural energy flow has become blocked.  

Dr Alexander Lowen, an American psychotherapist is generally credited with creating Bioenergetics. He was a student of William Reich who coined the term ‘armouring’ to describe chronic muscular holding as being part of the way the body- mind contained emotion and energy. The habitual pattern of holding tension in the body and restricting breathing can keep strong feelings from our conscious attention.

Bioenergetic exercises are used to mobilise physical energy as well as emotional energy, helping to express and release held back emotions so that you feel more alive, to be more in touch and have a deeper awareness of feelings and body sensations.

How to practice bioenergetics?

There are many different Bioenergetic exercises with some being developed for releasing tensions and holding patterns in different parts of the body and for differing purposes. There are some for 'being at the computer', 'jaw and neck stretch', 'taking fear out of the body' and many more. These can all be accessed on YouTube. I particularly like Devaraj Sandberg who is based in the UK but regularly uploads new videos. There is a good introduction at https://youtu.be/IAInDZkLOkI 

In Bioenergetics you breath in a relaxed manner, in and out from down in the belly. This relaxed breathing allows the tension patterns to come up and be released. When doing the exercises you are to do them so you at just on the edge of what you can comfortably bear - not continual pain but not in your comfort zone. 

It’s recommended to start gently at first, to develop some basic familiarity with the exercises then go deeper and deeper with greater benefits. A daily routine of around 30 minutes will energise your body, keep you flexible and progressively remove blocks to your natural energy flow.

The Bow and Arch are a good beginning pair of postures which work together to ground you and release tension or ‘dead spots’ from your back.

Have a look at